Profile: Daniel Hyde

If you’ve been reading this blog then you’ll probably want to know a little more about the man behind it, and indeed the TrollBusters franchise: Daniel Hyde.

Age: 35

Blood Type: O-

Gender: Male

I began my career into crimefighting ten years ago, following a delinquent youth spent fighting ruffians on the hard-boiled streets of Manchester in the glorious kingdom of Britain. Things were easier back then- there was no internet to complicate things and trolls could be dispatched the old fashioned way, with a dose of hearty Manchunian violence. As time went on, and my deeds became worse I was attending the theatre with my parents when they were struck down by some unseen attacker, demanding my mother’s pearls. Unable to help due to incapacitation through alcohol I was forced to look on as my parents’ murderer fled into the night, cackling with a harsh American drawl.

The man dropped a handkerchief, which was found on the floor next to my unconscious body (and indeed the corpses of my parents, God rest their souls)- monogrammed with the initials “C.C.” and a dollar sign. This and the American accent the man posessed were my only leads, so I rushed accross the channel and enrolled in the New York Police Department as a trainee beat officer. Five long years passed, wherin I met my wife Rachel and we had our first son- Brian. Brian was the truest beauty of our lives, and we cherished him more than a parent has ever cherished a child.

Needless to say, this did not last.

C.C. and his minions had ruined my life once, and to add insult to injury planned to do so with more permenance the second time, organising a gangland hit on a family picnic Rachel, Brian and I were attending to celebrate my promotion to head of NYPD’s new e-Crimes division in 2007. Bullets ripped through the picnicers, and as I watched the debris of my life was strewn around me, a lifeless shell of the joy once felt. It was then that I swore revenge.

I moved to Nevada in pursuit of a simpler life and it was here that I founded TrollBusters- operating out of the back of an old aircraft hanger at a location I am unable to disclose to any but my closest confidants. To this day, I chip away at C.C.’s army of agents, with my trusty crew and dedicated technical team- we will one day have this empire locked away; forever.

Too many lives have been ruined by these… these mocking, disgusting, slanderous and above all disgusting trolls, and I, Daniel Hyde will be the death of their organization. Whether it be to prison or the firey oblivion of Hell, I shall reap my revenge againt you, C.C.- wherever, or whoever you are!

Editorial: Trolling In History

Trolling isn’t a crime confined to just our beautiful United States of America, or indeed to our time- trolling remains prevalent throughout history and also occurs in other, lesser nations:

It turns out that foreign delinquents are almost as common as the liberal-influenced scumbags who turn to trolling over here; these individuals are just as heinous as ours, but are often of quite a separate phenotype. Let’s look at some examples of foreign trolls throughout the ages:

Probably the most notorious of all foreign trolls is the founder of all trolling, Nazi party leader and fascist dictator Adolf Hitler.

Hitler began his cowardly persecution of his victims following his injury in World War 1, triggering in him the trademark Envy which is the mark of the trolls. The probable founder of the initial League of the Gherkin (Das Reich auf zie Pikkel), Hitler trolled many millions of people, beginning with the Polish and ending with the Jews.

He also trolled the Catholic church, enraged by their refusal to allow him into a high-ranking position of power within their religion-club. He sought out a young German man named Rattzinger, and lo- many decades later this fellow has become Pope.

This is a prime example of a long-term trolling scheme- Hitler by this point was planning on ending his own life, but had already decided to create in the future a race of oppressed people. This is trolling unbound by mere mortality, and shows the danger of trolling masterminds in their Evil.

Welcome to Troll Busters

Good evening- my name is Daniel Hyde, head of Internet Troll Busters incorporated; I would like to wish you a warm welcome to the Troll Busters’ official weblog! On this blog we will be displaying our long and successful endeavours to end all internet trolling for all time.

Trolls are dispicable human beings (if indeed such beasts can be considered human), and they ruin the lives of our precious e-celebrities, targeting our brightest, boldest and bravest. If you are a victim of trolls, take refuge under our strong wings- we are here to help, and help you we will!

Thank you for visiting- the first order of tonight’s updates is our estimation of the Troll empire- an under-civilization brimming with dispicable and incessant sentiment, with one objective and one objective only:

To vent their envy of you, dear victims.

Good luck, my friends.

Daniel J. Hyde.

TROLLS BUSTED TO DATE: 47

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