Welp, we’re back. Just as Ghostbusters received a truly excellent sequel it is time for the internet’s favorite group of douche-wrangling vigilantes to return. We’ve been all over the world these last few months, busting trolls from Egypt to Libya and for the last week or so helping local authorities to dispose of unmentionables in the state of Wisconsin.
The global troll situation has been dire of late, and our absence has been both unexplained and necessary, so please enjoy this explanation of our travels.
While resting at our office in Arizona following an unsuccessful raid on a troll hideout in a Ruckersville, VA I received an urgent email from the head of an Egyptian rebel movement Mohammed Ali Jazéra. The email was one of foreboding concerning the Egyptian despot Hosni Mubarak. Naturally the email should not be leaked on this site, but action was of course demanded by the ITB moral code; and so teamed with my loyal wheelman Serge and my analytics expert Dr. Eric Pickles we set off to dethrone a dictator so vile he almost rivalled C.C. with his antics.
Naturally the story was publicised globally there were riots, protests, even a small troll-brigade rally: The country of Egypt was in a terrible state until we, the ITB, stepped in to alleviate the situation. The country was freed within a matter of hours of us stepping from the plane into capital Cairo, however not before Mubarak could flee the capital- transferring much of his funds into an offshore account held in Molvania- the only country currently out of reach by our organization. It was the planning of Pickles and the expert actions taken by Serge which truly saved the day, so to them I say: Thank you for saving my arse.
Mubarak fleed to Libya to rouse interest in the only military force in the world funded and controlled by trolls, and so we pursued. The country was, by the time we arrived (only able to travel in Daniel’s campervan through the Sahara) in turmoil. There was shelling and destruction widespread through the country’s cities and town. Joined by the brave Libyan chapter of Trollbusters we rebelled against head troll (and possible relative of C.C.) Godafi, however upon heeding the cry of help from home we were forced to leave before the job could be fully done.
The ITB pledges alliegance to the Libyan people and cannot wait until Libya is transformed from the hive of trolling it now is into the netpoliced utopia that we, the Trollbuster, so fervently worked to create.
Our next stop was Wisconsin- we had heard that C.C. himself would be there in an attempt to dethrone the liberal government and pass laws to restrict the rights of the prolateriot. Naturally this enraged Serge, who is a notorious communist, and with the promise of capturing C.C. I was only too happy to accompany him in a quest to re-establish law and order within the city.
It wasnt until we arrived that we realised the full extent of the Real-Life trolling carried out by the Republican party. We received, along with the ITB’s liberal Democratic allies the following phone call:
Male Voice: “Hey uh, lol, is this the us, Democrats?”
Female Democrat: “Indeed it is, to whom am I speaking?”
Male Voice: “*Snrrk* Hey uh- there’s a uh- *snrrk* p-protest going on outside! M-maybe you should Iuno, join them?”
Female Democrat: “Hm… the right to protest IS one of the founding principles of American living. You’re right! C’mon Democrats, let’s exit the chamber!”
Male Voice: “*Snrrrkchortle* Y-yeah you do that!”
Naturally the situation worsened when it turned out that the male voice was none other than the dastardly Howard Winslow, whose only goal had been to distract the Democratic members of the state’s parliament long enough to lock the vast majority of them outside with the other trolling victims so as to weigh the vote in their favour.
We at the ITB were none too happy to witness the underhanded actions of a prior catch (recently released from incarceration on parole) and burst into the chamber, weapons drawn and prepared for a fight.
Nothing could prepare us for what came next.
Anyway, when we have resolved the situation I shall post the outcome here, as per always, on the Official Internet Troll Busters Weblog!
Thank you, and it is a pleasure to be back,